Because He Loves Me
by xotakux2002x
Summary: a fic about the drastic measures sasori is willing to take in order to keep deidara safe. dark sasodei, oneshot


"Deidara."

When I hear my name, I groan and try to go back to sleep.

"Deidara, wake up."

I slowly blink my eyes open to look up into the face of Sasori danna. His messy red hair is dangling in his face, but I can see that it's been brushed. He's completely dressed, and in my peripheral vision I can see Hiruko standing at attention. My danna is definitely ready to leave for somewhere.

"About time you woke up, brat. We have an important mission in an hour."

What? Why did he let me sleep for so long then?! I tried to climb out of bed when he's done speaking, but all I can do is sit up before he places a hand on my shoulder. Hmmm?

"Deidara, I made you some breakfast," he says quietly. "Eat it and pack. Then we can go."

Oh. That's why he let me sleep.

With a smile and nod, I snatch up the breakfast tray that I've just now noticed is resting on the bedside table. Warm oatmeal with cinnamon, and orange juice. Giving Sasori a quick thank you, I dig in.

As soon as the first bite hits my tongue, I know that it's poisoned.

This isn't the first time Sasori danna has poisoned me. That's not to say he drugs me all the time; just enough for me to know it when he does it.

This all started a while ago, when we had a disastrous mission. It wasn't his fault or mine; we were simply outnumbered on the battlefield. To this day, I don't know how we got out of that fight alive; of course, my ignorance may have something to do with the fact that I passed out while we were still fighting.

When I woke up, I was in the medical wing of our base. The first things I saw were the tubes going into my arms, and the bandages wrapped around my body. The next sight was Sasori. He was sitting in a chair, his head resting on my mattress, our fingers intertwined and lying close to his lips. I muttered his name, and he awoke with a start.

Immediately he wrapped me in a tight embrace, telling me how scared he was that he was going to lose me. He buried his face in my hair, softly crying, and swore he'd never risk losing me like that again. I hugged him back, knowing full well that he couldn't make that promise to me, in our line of work. But if it made my danna stop crying, I'd let him promise me anything.

Several months later, we were once again assigned a high-risk mission, much to Sasori's displeasure. At that point, the memories of my wounds were fresh in his mind, and danna would have been content to bubble-wrap me and send the two of us on a D-rank mission to the Land of Tea. Tragically, he couldn't do this, and soon we were on the road.

Several miles down the way, he offered me a drink from our canteen. Danna has better self-control than me, so he normally holds onto the container in order to make sure I don't drain the whole thing and then complain about being thirsty later on. I was surprised he'd let me take a sip so early, but brushed the thought aside and gulped down the water.

After only a few drinks I pulled the canteen away and stuck out my tongue. The water was so bitter! But when I complained, danna only told me to quit being such a brat about it and took the canteen away.

Things were fine for a bit, but a few miles down the road, the world began to spin. A little later, I had trouble moving my feet. Less than five minutes after that, I blacked out.

I awoke a while later in a hotel room, with danna sitting beside me on the bed. I asked what had happened, and he told me I had a high fever and fainted as a result. He then proceeded to yell at me for not telling him I was feeling under the weather, and demanded to know why I hadn't spoken up before we'd left.

When I told him I had felt fine when we departed, he shook his head in disbelief, before informing me that he'd be carrying out the mission on his own, since I was in no shape to fight.

I pouted, and rolled away from him. Bastard could at least act like he was worried about his lover, instead of just yelling at me!

Sasori seemed to pick up on my complaint and gently kissed me just behind my ear, before he left the room. I slept until he returned, which was maybe a day or two later. Fortunately for the both of us, I was feeling better by then, and we returned to the base with no problems.

The next time we had a dangerous mission, Sasori asked if I wanted a drink with him. I accepted, and the two of us shared a pot of green tea in our bedroom.

The first cup, I was fine. After the second cup, I was feeling ill. And by the third cup, I was bolting for the bathroom and puking my guts up.

Kakuzu checked on me later and decided that I had to have some sort of stomach bug, since I couldn't even keep water down. Pein was kind enough to give our mission to Kakuzu and Hidan; although deep down, I think he knew that if Sasori wasn't here to watch me, no one would.

So, danna and I spent a good week locked in our room, Sasori trying to get me to keep something, anything down, and me throwing up whatever he gave me.

Things like that happened often over the course of the next few months. It wasn't every mission; I would have caught on for sure, if someone else didn't. The symptoms altered; sometimes it was a stomach bug, sometimes fevers, sometimes other things. Once I had awful hallucinations, and when they finally stopped Sasori danna looked like he was going to throw up or drop dead, I'm not sure which. He ended up stopping the poisoning for a time after that; I guess it really shook him up.

But then we had another assignment, and on the battlefield I took a katana to the gut. Sure enough, on the next mission I contracted a high fever. He never uses the hallucinogens anymore, though. I think he's really scared of hurting me again.

I had suspected something for a while by then. I'd seen Sasori carefully measure out his poisons and water them down, slipping the weaker toxins into small vials when he thought I wasn't watching. He was always trying to get me to eat or drink something he'd made just before we left on a major mission. But the biggest giveaway came one winter night.

It was during a particularly cold January, and the entire Akatsuki had been snowed in. Several other members had the flu, and I managed to catch it.

Sasori took care of me throughout my illness, but he often looked panicked and confused. When he thought I was sleeping, he'd check his poisons, trying to figure out which one I had gotten into, and which antidote he'd need to use to cure me. It took me four days to convince him that what I had was just the flu, and he didn't need to look so worried about it.

By now, I've finished my oatmeal, and drained my orange juice. I consumed all of both items because I'm not sure which one has the toxin in it. As soon as I finish, Sasori takes away the tray and moves to sit so our bodies are touching.

He gingerly pulls me to his chest, and I cuddle against my danna. I'm beginning to get sleepy, but I'm not sure if it's from the poison, or the fact that Sasori danna is now rocking me gently in his arms and whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

As I drift into nothingness, I think about how sick this is. Me, letting my lover poison me like this. How I should tell him to stop, or let the others members know that he's doing this to me.

But I know I'll never say a word to anyone. If I told the others, Pein would almost certainly separate me from danna, and that's something I would never let happen. What's worse than that, though, is telling Sasori that I know he's doing this. That I know he's putting these semi-lethal substances into my body. That he's hurting me because he thinks it's what's best for me.

How can I possibly tell him that I'm on to him? When he goes to such lengths to make sure that the poisons only make me sick, and nothing worse? When he always takes care of me, and gives me the antidote every single time? When, above everything else, I know that my danna is doing this just to keep his promise to me?

Sasori cares about me more than anything in the world. He lives in constant fear of losing me; he's woken up from enough nightmares screaming my name to convince me of this. That's why I can never do anything to hurt my danna, and telling him about my knowledge will probably kill him.

Besides, deep down, I know that Sasori danna's only doing this because he loves me.


End file.
